Being Fat Isn’t the Worst Thing a Person Can Be, Y’unno | #ThisGirlEats

There’s a disturbing narrative that exists today, and we just can’t seem to shake it. It’s simple, really: Fat = Bad. It’s everywhere; we see with advertising selling us slimming products, the press fat-shaming celebrities, and people bombarding social media with before vs. after photos. No matter where we might find it, the message is always the same – being fat is the worst thing you can be.

And I’m so sick of it.

My most recent encounter with this was watching the latest TV ad for Weight Watchers. I can’t remember the exact words and, annoyingly, can’t find the advert anywhere online, but I distinctly remember the spokeswoman telling people to sign up on the basis that it will make them a “better version of themselves” – come to think of it, she might’ve even said the best version of yourself.

Weight Watchers: Wellness that Works (umm…)

Because apparently, thinner ALWAYS equals better.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, especially when it’s affecting your health and you think you could be in better shape; hell, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself! But the idea that being slimmer automatically makes you a better person – and, in turn, being bigger somehow detracts from you as an overall human being – is total bullshit.

Not only is it a load of rubbish, but it’s incredibly damaging. Pushing the “fat = bad, thin = good” narrative is bound to have a negative impact, particularly where eating disorders and mental health are concerned. Imagine telling someone with anorexia, for example, that being the thinnest version of themselves makes them the best version of themselves. Or how this could easily recycle that feeling of guilt in someone with bulimia to the point that they experience dangerous symptoms such as binging and purging. It seems so obviously dangerous to me in this context, I’m amazed we allow it to continue.

It’s clearly designed to make us feel terrible about ourselves. Telling us that we’re better when we’re thinner makes those of us whose bodies don’t fit these very particular – and sometimes unobtainable – specifications feel worthless, unattractive and uncomfortable in our own skin. It also strips us of our identities as people; it ignores all other aspects of our personalities and achievements, reducing how we measure up on the “good vs. bad scale” to nothing more than our weight.

I look at photos of myself from a few years back, before I gained the weight I now carry around with me (mostly in my lil’ tummy pooch), and sometimes I’m swept up in that narrative. I look at photos like the one below and think, “Wow, how did I let this version of myself slip away?!” And literally the ONLY reason I think that is because I’m thinner in those photos. That’s it. It’s not based on where I was at that point in my life, or how happy I was, or what I’d achieved. It’s because I was thinner – so I must’ve been better, right?

NO, SAM! Of course not! That’s just such a ridiculous notion, I can’t believe I bought it for even a second! I look at what’s happened in my life since those photos and almost laugh at how absurd I’m being when I think I’m worse off now simply because of my weight. I’ve achieved bucket loads since then; I’m in a happy, committed relationship, moved out, learnt to drive, started (and ended!) my own music publication, created my blog and worked my way up to my dream job. I’m more accomplished, level-headed, hard-working, ambitious, sociable and confident than the person in that photo. I’m more comfortable with my body and appearance than I’ve ever been, regardless of my size.

I’m a better person for so, so many reasons right now, and it all has absolutely zilch to do with my weight.

I’m lucky enough that I can see that, despite falling down the rabbit hole every now and again. But all the while we give into this narrative that being fat is the worst thing you can be, and the only way to make yourself a better person is to lose weight, then this narrative will continue to win and companies like Weight Watchers will keep making these shitty adverts.

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Sometimes My Confidence Gets In The Way of Supporting Other Women, and It SUCKS. Am I Alone? | #ThisGirlEats

Let me be super clear here; I love women and I love supporting them. I’m not saying for one second that I can’t or don’t support other women, I’m just being honest: I don’t always find it easy. Or at least, as easy as social media would have us believe.

I honestly love supporting the women around me. My family, my friends, my colleagues, other bloggers, I think you’re all fantastic and I’m so, so proud of every one of you. But when you haven’t got much confidence in yourself, it’s really hard to silence that self-loathing envy, and it’s difficult not to feel that the achievements of others reflect your own shortcomings. Trust me, that says more about myself than it does anyone else!

We’re living in crucial times; as a woman today, it’s SO important to be supportive. To be there for each other, to fight for each other, to promote each other and to understand each other. We should all be basking in the glow of each other’s fabulousness! It makes me feel like the worst feminist ever to admit that I don’t always find that easy.

shemazing.net

Is that okay? Am I allowed?

Sometimes, when I look at myself and feel a bit squishy – let’s say I’m hopelessly trying to squeeze into my jeans again or whatever – my confidence is at its lowest. Self-doubt plagues my mind and clouds my judgement. Then I see a lovely lady showing off her weight loss on Instagram, or a group of girls all going out looking a million bucks, or a blogger posting a “candid” shot that looks absolutely stunning while in all my candids I look like a potato.

I want to be supportive. I want to congratulate her on losing the weight, I want to ask those girls where they got their outfits because they look awesome, I want to comment on the photo and ask for photography tips. But I also feel like chucking my phone across the room and throwing a strop like a toddler because I’m annoyed. Not at them, but at myself. I’m mad at myself because I can’t do those things, or I don’t like look that, or I haven’t achieved those goals. It’s silly, it’s selfish, but it’s true.

Of course, I don’t say this (until now!). I smile, and I say well done to all the smart, confident, beautiful, hard-working, brave, funny, ambitious, sexy, relentless, fierce women I know because, let’s face it, they’re all bloody wonderful.

I’ll say it again – it’s so, so, so important for us girls to stick together and support each other, to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. But I think it’s also important to acknowledge that overcoming our own insecurities to do so can be difficult for some of us. But that just proves how strong us women can be for each other, right?

Turn Your Frown Upside Down – How Seeing the Positives in Others Can Do Wonders For Your Own Self-Confidence

I’ve talked about what a bitch that little voice in your head can be. You know, the one that just loves to narrate your life with a running inner-monologue of self-doubt and anxiety. It makes us guilty of comparing ourselves to others, and also of judging others – ironic, isn’t is, as we usually fear that’s what people are doing to us?

Image: awesomelyluvvie.com

We’re all to blame. It’s easy to think, “why don’t I have hair/teeth/boobs/legs like that?” and, yes, that damages our self-esteem. But it’s just as easy to think, “Thank goodness I DON’T have hair/teeth/boobs/legs like that!” Both are just as negative; you’re either trashing yourself – which, btw, you don’t deserve – or becoming part of the same endless cycle that makes you feel so rubbish in the first place!

Nipping that voice in the bud is hard. It can feel like you need some sort of spoon-bending, Professor X-level mind power to silence it. You might not be able to turn it off completely (if you do, can you write some kind of self-help book for the rest of us please?) but maybe you could turn it around…

When you see someone – just a random stranger, anyone really – and you hear that voice start to creep up, change it’s tune. Take control. Make a positive affirmation about that person which reflects negatively on no-one. Pause, look at them and find something positive. There’s always something positive!

Image: eso-rp.com

Instead of thinking, “Oh god, she’s owning the room like a glamour model and here I am looking like a sack of potatoes…” just take a second to evaluate your own self-worth. You don’t need to hear that. You don’t have to put that kind of pressure of yourself.

Stop.

Think, “Wow, I really like that shade of lipstick she’s wearing, it looks gorgeous. That’d really suit me, maybe I should look for something similar.”

Instead of thinking, “Jeez, who let her leave the house in that outfit this morning?!” just take a second to consider their feelings. Consider how it’d make you feel. They don’t deserve that kind of judgement. By inflicting it upon them, aren’t you just spreading more of the same negativity that you’re so afraid of yourself? Think, “Wow, look at that lanyard around her neck! If she works there she must have an AMAZING job! Good for her!”

Image: popkey.co

It’s not a fix-it-all solution, and OF COURSE our self-worth often runs deeper than these superficial thoughts. But it’s about putting a stop to the negativity. You know the saying, if you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all? Well, it’s the same with our thoughts. If you can’t think of something positive about someone, just leave it alone. But if we can all spread little nuggets of happy, sunny loveliness, our days would be more bearable. Trust me, you’ll feel a million times better for it!

Image: glee.wikia.com