Is One Type of Friendship Really Better Than Another? | #ThisGirlEats

We spend our whole lives forming relationships. Even if you don’t consider yourself a particularly sociable individual (me, lol) it’s impossible to go through life without new relationships popping up and, in some cases, becoming great friendships.

You go to work, you meet new colleagues. You date someone, you’re introduced to a new circle of peers. You move house, you’re living with new neighbours. If we’re lucky, new friendships develop too and that kinda makes it worthwhile – right?

But when I started thinking about the different friendships I’ve made throughout my life, both past and present, and just how unique they all are, I asked myself something – is one type of friendship “better” than others?

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Some people truly are BFFs – joined at the hip, constantly messaging, know intricate details of each other’s lives. It looks pretty good. I’ve definitely had friends like this in my life but, right now, I wouldn’t say I’ve got this kind of friendship with anyone. That sounds a little sad, doesn’t it? But, then again, is living in each other’s pockets really that great?

I once lived with a friend at uni and thought we were as close as it gets. Literally living together. Sharing a bathroom, cooking dinner for each other, taking turns washing up… It was great! But a little way down the line something irreparable happened between us (soz, that’s a whooole other story!) and it all came to a very sudden, very definitive halt. That was that. So much for closeness, huh?

I’ve got friends I hardly ever see, or even speak to. We go months without even DMing and meeting up is an incredibly rare occasion. The ties that bound us together in the past – going to school together and growing up in the same town – have long faded, and a sad distance took their place. But when we do hang out the connection is amazing, like no time has passed at all. It’s familiar, it’s easy; irreplaceable, even. When I think about it, these friendships have really stood their ground.

But what about the friendships that don’t even really belong to us? Ones brought together by work, or perhaps those of your other half. These friendships start off because outside forces shoved you together, but you’ve stuck around because a genuine friendship has blossomed beyond whatever catalyst started it all. For me, these are usually people I wouldn’t naturally be drawn towards; because of that, these friendships are the most fun. They reveal parts of you that you never knew, bring out a personality you might not expect and force you to live outside of your usual circle.

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These days, some friendships only exist in a virtual world, glued together by social media and smartphones. I’ve heard people say online friends aren’t “real friends” but many of us bloggers know that the online community can sometimes be more supportive than the actual living, breathing people in your life. Let’s be honest, we spend most of our lives online now anyway, so it’s only to be expected.

Thinking through all these different types of friendships – pretty much all of which I’ve experienced at one time or another – has led me to at least one conclusion: there might be best friends in life, but there’s no such thing as a best friendship.

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An Open Letter to My Friends: Sorry I’m Such a Dick | #ThisGirlEats

I’ve always championed the idea that it’s better to have a small, tight-knit group of genuinely close friends who you can really rely on rather than loads of acquaintances who float in and out of your life. While I do admire those few social butterflies I know, I think I’d always choose a small but significant circle of friends over anything else because, for me, quality trumps quantity. Or maybe that’s just to mask the fact that I was never really very popular… 🤷‍♀️

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Anyway, I do think I’ve managed to achieve that throughout my life. I made most of my good, solid mates at school and a few here and there since and, at 24, I can confidently say I definitely know who my friends are. But, you see, the problem nowadays is… well, it’s me. I’ve become a totally useless friend! I don’t know how, or when, but I have. So this is an open letter to my close friends (you know who you are – I hope!) to say: sorry I’m such a dick.

I’m sorry I sometimes ignore the group chat.
I’m sorry I see your messages but forget to reply for literally days.
I’m sorry I don’t always make it when we plan to hang out and I’m sorry that, when I  do, I sometimes leave early.
I’m sorry I don’t live close by and that makes me lazy when it comes to meeting up.
I’m sorry driving stresses me out to the point I can’t always come visit.
I’m sorry I haven’t seen some of you for months.
I’m sorry that I probably still won’t see some of you until “something” comes up, because we shouldn’t really need a reason to catch up.

It’s difficult to keep relationships strong as an adult, once you move away and have your own life to focus on, but it’s not impossible. People do it. I can do it, I just totally suck at it. I’ve become selfish and lethargic and completely wrapped up in my own life, to the point that I’ve forgotten to check in on the lives of people I actually care about. I’ve been shamefully absent, I know that – but I don’t want to be anymore. So, to all you guys, I’m sorry I’ve been a rubbish friend lately, but I’m working on it, I promise.

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Thin Privilege is DEFINITELY a Thing | #ThisGirlEats

When this term first found its way to me online I thought to myself, “Thin privilege? Surely that’s not a thing? I’ll just have a quick read…” Turns out, it’s a thing. It’s very real, it’s very obvious and it’s very dangerous.

Maybe it’s not the BIGGEST ISSUE EVER – yes, the world has lots of problems right now and it’d be awesome to fix them all but life doesn’t work that way. This is the one I’ve chosen to talk about because I get it. And yes, plenty of overweight people are so because of their own choices. And no, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a slim figure. So now we’ve cleared all that up, let’s acknowledge that how we perceive people often depends on nothing more than their clothes size and, to me, that is not okay.

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Being “privileged” because you’re “thin” doesn’t mean you’ve had it easy. It’s not an all-encompassing phrase. What it means is gaining certain benefits from being thinner, and being relieved of societal pressures that affect overweight people.

For example, those of a smaller figure are more likely to get jobs they interview for; more likely to be the object of affection from potential partners; more likely to be popular among their peers. Fat people, on the other hand, are perceived as too lazy to advance in the workplace; portrayed openly in film and TV as unattractive; often picked on at school. If you think none of this damages someone’s emotional well-being and self-worth, you must be dreaming!

The inclusion of plus-sized and promotion of body positivity has definitely improved, but common beauty standards still essentially say that thinner is better. And because of that, we end up being literally worth our weight. Who says someone bigger isn’t the perfect person for that job? Or great company on a date? Or the best friend you could ever have? It’s all in our heads.

Thinner DOESN’T mean better. It doesn’t mean anything! Size shouldn’t matter this much. What makes up a person is so, so much more than that. I can’t believe we’re still in a position where weight really is so important when there’s honestly so much more to every single one of us.

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Read more… (the internet is literally full of this stuff, these are just a few)

Only 15% of hiring managers would consider hiring an overweight woman

Portrayals of Overweight and Obese Individuals on Commercial Television

How Obesity and Bullying Are Connected

 

What Makes Me Feel Like “Me”? | #ThisGirlEats

I don’t know what it is but, lately, I just haven’t felt like myself. I don’t know if anyone else ever feels this way – you can’t quite put your finger on it, nothing particularly noticeable, there’s no real reason for it, but you just feel… different. Something isn’t quite right, not quite “you”. While mooching around at home feeling confused and lethargic of course has been super fun, I’m trying to pull myself out of this funk.

I’ve been thinking about how to do that. I’ve spent time recalling things that really make me feel like myself, things that really draw my most familiar self to the surface. They’re usually little things, no grand gestures but just small, seemingly insignificant habits that make me feel like myself. And this little list is what I came up with!

Wearing a full face of make up 💄
Maybe it’s vein, but how you look and, more importantly, how you feel when you look in the mirror can really play with your emotions. I used to wear make up everyday but, since working in an office, I don’t paint my face at all in the week. Although I’m quite comfortable with that most of the time, when the weekend rolls around and I do my make up properly it’s like looking at someone I truly recognise, and that feels great.

Listening to my favourite music – mostly pop-punk
I know everyone says, “Ooh, I like all kinds of music!” (You like all kinds of music do you Susan? How about some early ‘00s trap music? Or have you ever heard of Babymetal..?) but I really do like a good variety, from nu-metal to showtunes. But my absolute favourite, even after all these years, is pop-punk. I’ve loved it since I was 13 and, yeah, maybe I should’ve grown out of it by now, but it reminds me of who I am, and who I’ve always been, and nothing makes me feel surer of myself.

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Laughing REALLY loud
Laughter is the best medicine, that’s what they say. I’m not sure if laughter really can cure everything, I think it’s invaluable when it comes to boosting our mood. We never really know the benefits of a good laugh until we’re there, doubled over, guffawing big belly laughs, tears streaming down our faces. Is there anything better? 😂😂😂

Going to a gig and losing my mind
Even though I barely have the 1) time, 2) money or 3) energy to go to many gigs these days (my uni schedule was honestly such a gift…) it’s still my favourite thing in the world to do. I can’t think of anything better than going to see a band I really love, yelling out every word, throwing myself around to every beat, and just having fun. It’s probably the most “me” place I could be.

Watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Not only is this one of my favourite films, but it’s also a fabulous, high-heeled riot all about liberation, freedom and being thoroughly yourself. Whenever I watch it, I feel most in tune with who I am and what I love. It gives me a sense of inspiration unlike anything else.

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SERIES: My Journey to a Healthier Lifestyle #12 | #ThisGirlEats

10AM: I feel a health kick coming on… They usually don’t last long, but I reckon I can squeeze at least one good day out of it.

11:15AM: YUM. I’m so jumping on the bandwagon here, but I’ve been mega-tempted by these cute little overnight oats jars I keep seeing on recipe pages and food blogs lately, so I decided to give one a go. And I will DEFINITELY be making one again! So easy to just chuck everything in a jar last night and wake up to it being ready-to-go this morning. Lazy breakfast is the only kind of breakfast I do.

FOOD DIARY

Breakfast
😍 Overnight oats (porridge oats, fat-free yoghurt, mixed berries, sliced banana, drizzle of honey)
😍 Green tea

Lunch
😍 Wholewheat pasta with pesto, fresh tomatoes and a sprinkling of low-fat grated cheese
😍 850ml water
😍 500ml summer fruit squash

Dinner
😍 Two low-fat sausages in a part-baked baguette with cooked onions and ketchup
😍 Cup of lemon and ginger tea

SERIES: My Journey to a Healthier Lifestyle #7 | #ThisGirlEats

2PM: The nurse at my appointment today told me I’d lost weight since the last time I saw her when I hopped off the scales *internal happy dance*. I decided to take that as “You’ve lost a few pounds since last time, good on ya!” 👍 rather than “You’re not as fat as the last time you were here.” 😬

3PM: Followed the successful trip to the doctor’s up with a slice of cake. Obviously. But it was gluten-free so that makes it healthy, right? Well, no. Actually, lots of gluten-free food is loaded with hefty doses of sugar, fats and other naughty things to make it taste less, well, gross. This tasted quite nice, as it goes.

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8:45PM: This dinner was WELL worth the wait. Ever since our trip to Prague last January (as you can see from this blog’s lead photo, we had a great time) I’ve fallen in love with Czech food and goulash is my favourite thing to make from my Czech & Slovak cookbook, especially with the helping hand of the slow cooker. Easy peasy.

FOOD DIARY

Breakfast
🍲 Cup of green tea

Lunch
🍲 Cheesy beans on toast
🍲 Glass of orange squash
🍲 Small Diet Coke
🍲 Small slice of gluten-free Victoria sponge
🍲 500ml water

Dinner
🍲 Slow cooked beef goulash with garlic bread
🍲 Small pot of chocolate mousse
🍲 Glass of orange squash

Vlogging On-The-Go: Holiday Food Diary 2017 | #ThisGirlEats

I’d describe my first vlogging experience as awkward, scary and waaay out of my comfort zone – to say the least! But it can’t have been all bad because, for some mad reason, I decided to pick up the camera and do it all again. And this time, it was in front of a load of other holiday makers on the sunny island of Ibiza! 😬

 

 

The camera travelled with me and experienced the vacay food and drink 🍹 beautiful views 🌊 last-minute hotels 🛏 and long conversations with the bathroom mirror 👩‍🎤.

ibiza photo - editI thought a holiday food diary would be a great follow-up to the Introducing #ThisGirlEats video, showing a little more of my personality. But it’s also the perfect theme for #ThisGirlEats, because even though we were abroad it was still all about real food – this was just your normal, everyday girl’s holiday on a budget. None of us had much cash to splash, so it was all about enjoying what was on our doorstep and making a great time for ourselves.

So please check out the video and, if ya fancy, like and subscribe on the #ThisGirlEats YouTube channel!

I Am Worthy: Learning to Cope with Being the Dreaded Wedding “Plus One” | #ThisGirlEats

Weddings are fun; a chance to tart yourself up, get disgustingly drunk and catch up with distant friends and relatives. The romantic joy of a newly-married couple (and getting a free meal on them) is great, as far as I’m concerned  

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But it can be difficult if you’re there as the dreaded “Plus One”. Freaking out about how you look even more than usual, getting faaar too drunk out of blind fear (and, as a result, end up dancing like Neil out of The Inbetweeners – but worse) and dine out courtesy of people you barely know.

No? Just me?

I attended a wedding as a Plus One recently and, le’me tell you, it was fantastic. But once upon a time, such an occasion wouldn’t have gone so smoothly for me. The thought of trying to mingle with strangers for hours was the stuff of nightmares… like, Freddy Krueger level nightmares  

This time, I’m proud to say I handled it. Armed with a new positive outlook, I taught myself a mantra that got me through with newfound ease, chatting, drinking and feeling totally comfortable with my partner’s mates who have known him since he was a scruffy, boozed-up teenager – long before I straightened him out, obviously. (LIES – if anything, I’m a terrible influence!)

So, what was my mantra, you ask? Well, it’s just three simple words.

I am worthy.

That’s it. And it worked.

Don’t get me wrong, I had to say it a lot.

I said it as I agonised over my dress in the mirror, deciding between “oh, that’s a cute summer dress” and “inappropriately short for a wedding, you hussy”.

I said it when I realised I couldn’t walk in the heels I’d worn and I looked more like Bambi on ice than an elegant wedding guest.

I said it when I was introduced to strangers, intimidated by old friendships and tried to think of witty, intelligent dinner conversation.

But I said it.

Eventually, I felt comfortable with my outfit, just like many of the other gorgeous guests. I walked with pride (and clung onto my boyfriend’s arm) in my silly heels. I made polite small talk with strangers, played drinking games with our friends, and felt more relaxed than ever before.

So yeah, it turns out telling yourself you’re actually an alright person makes you feel like, you know, an alright person.

For those of you who are thinking, “What the hell?! I came here for food, not your life story!” – at the wedding meal, I had a goat’s cheese tart (I don’t like goat’s cheese), chicken and bacon in a deliciously creamy sauce with veg and roasties (amazing) and chocolate sponge (you can’t go wrong). So there!

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Fuck Shame: How This Blog Snubbed My Career-Shaming Habit (Yes, That’s a Thing) | #ThisGirlEats

Like a decent cuppa, #ThisGirlEats has been brewing for a long time. As it became less an idea and more a reality, my passion exploded and it was suddenly super important to me. It was like a new lease of life (is a mid-20s crisis a thing? It really should be) and I wanted to make it work.

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If you’re sitting at home, perhaps feeling defeated, perhaps finding comfort in a bag of Kettle chips and a bottle of wine (no judgement here), wondering how a foodie blog that probably only my family and some very nice friends will ever read lifted me out of a similar funk, let me tell you…

I don’t like my job – I know; newsflash, I’m not the only one, bla bla bla. I mean, it’s not toooooo bad (‘cept rude customers, late nights and the absolute nightmare of Christmas retail, obviously), it’s just not my passion. And when you slog away day in, day out, at something you don’t feel any passion towards, it can get kinda depressing.

I’m SO guilty of letting my day job knock me back – I can’t count how many times I’ve come home feeling utterly rubbish. Still working at what I imagined to be a temporary stop-gap (HA HA HA) and not exactly making waves with my degree – or the £30,000 of debt I spent getting it! – led to endless hours punishing myself. I’d often turn a completely fine day into a living hell because I’d make myself feel so down about it.

full length selfie - editBut then I came up with this blog. Something to focus on, to aim for, to work on. Something exciting, motivating. It was a new adventure, the start of something. Once I realised that, everything else, including changing my negative mindset, just seemed to fall into place.

What was I criticising myself for? For being fortunate enough to have a job? For earning money, which allows me to have my own creative space, a decent laptop, and food to cook and experiment with? Is that really so awful? Isn’t that actually something to be proud of? Everyone who is successful, who I admire, has been in my shoes at some point. I’m a work in progress.

I thought having an “ordinary” retail job instead of being an award-winning journalist, music mogul or internet sensation of the blog-o-sphere made me unambitious, uncreative, underachieving. But did I look at my colleagues, doing the exact same job as me, that way? No. I saw them as funny, independent, interesting, creative, etc.. So why did I find it so hard to look at myself the same way?

We need to stop thinking that if we aren’t creating, organising, housekeeping, social media-ing, exercising, seeing friends and finding time to chill, all in one day, that it’s not a successful day. Productivity doesn’t have a time limit. The clock doesn’t refresh and start all over again after 24 hours. There’s no shame in working hard for bloody ages to get what you want. Fuck shame – take shame, disappointment and frustration into your own hands and mould it into inspiration, motivation, work ethic, passion, hunger.

Starting this blog gave me a bigger picture. It made me see my day job as a stepping stone rather than an obstacle. We are all a work in progress, and that’s okay.