Post-Lockdown Bodies Are None of Our Business

We’re in a unique scenario right now where a huge chunk of the world is all experiencing the same thing. Lockdown, quarantine, self-isolating, social distancing (phrases I never want to hear ever again once this is all over) – whatever you’re calling it where you are, it’s safe to say this is something new to us all.

And with new experiences comes new discussions. Great, right? Well yes, in some respects. For example, it’s great that decent pay for NHS staff and working from home accessibility is being discussed, but what’s not so great is all these conversations about weight suddenly cropping up out of nowhere. As if we didn’t have enough body image woes to worry about, now it’s become one of major talking points during a pandemic – like washing my hands until they look like Leatherface has started making a range of gloves doesn’t stress me out enough!

The thing is, like most stories, there are two sides to this one. More families than ever are starting their day with virtual PE lessons, outdoor exercise is being embraced and healthier home cooking has become a necessity for most of us – and who can say any of that’s a bad thing? I’m certainly not against kids doing more exercise and a daily dose of fresh air, that’s for sure. And, of course, there’s the very rare gift of time that many of us have been given during lockdown to actually fit a workout into our otherwise hectic days.

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One of my rare post-workout moments

But, of course, as with anything to do with weight, diets, exercise and all that gumpf, there’s also the horribly negative stuff that comes along with it. People are beating themselves up about not moving as much as they usually do, perhaps because they’re feeling lethargic or experiencing mental health issues, or maybe because everything is just shit and they’re lonely and they can’t be arsed to do jumping jacks in their living room. As a result, I’ve seen dozens of people going on about gaining ‘lockdown weight’ as if it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen right now.

HELLO! We’re in the middle of a PANDEMIC! People are dying. Workers are losing their jobs. Local businesses are closing down. The government is ballsing everything up. You’re using every last ounce of strength you have to keep going while you’re separated from your loved ones, your plans are being cancelled and you can’t find any god forsaken toilet roll in the supermarket. The last thing you need to worry about, you lovely, precious, glorious human being, is putting on a few extra pounds while staying at home and keeping yourself and the rest of us safe. 

Let’s rewind a few weeks when Adele posted those photos and we all lost our minds. She looks bloody gorgeous – but she always has. She is so much more than those photos; she is talented, funny and a modern day cultural icon. It doesn’t matter whether she’s decided to spend lockdown jogging along with Joe Wicks every morning or if the trip from the living room to the kitchen and back is her daily exercise, she is still all of those wonderful things. She is more than just her weight. 

And so are you! Alright, so we can’t all be Adele (if only…) but you are worth more than your weight. We shouldn’t be judging people for eating a little more and moving a little less during quarantine, just as we shouldn’t judge those who have lost weight during this period. And, more importantly, you shouldn’t judge yourself for those things.  

It honestly, truly, doesn’t matter. You are literally surviving a pandemic and we’re all just trying our best to get through this rather rubbish time. We were all beautiful before we went into lockdown and we will all be beautiful once we come out of it. Right now, being fatter isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you – but getting through this safe and well is the best thing that can happen to you, so let’s all just focus on that.

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Sit back, relax and enjoy bread and cheese to your heart’s content
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Being Fat Isn’t the Worst Thing a Person Can Be, Y’unno | #ThisGirlEats

There’s a disturbing narrative that exists today, and we just can’t seem to shake it. It’s simple, really: Fat = Bad. It’s everywhere; we see with advertising selling us slimming products, the press fat-shaming celebrities, and people bombarding social media with before vs. after photos. No matter where we might find it, the message is always the same – being fat is the worst thing you can be.

And I’m so sick of it.

My most recent encounter with this was watching the latest TV ad for Weight Watchers. I can’t remember the exact words and, annoyingly, can’t find the advert anywhere online, but I distinctly remember the spokeswoman telling people to sign up on the basis that it will make them a “better version of themselves” – come to think of it, she might’ve even said the best version of yourself.

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Weight Watchers: Wellness that Works (umm…)

Because apparently, thinner ALWAYS equals better.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, especially when it’s affecting your health and you think you could be in better shape; hell, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself! But the idea that being slimmer automatically makes you a better person – and, in turn, being bigger somehow detracts from you as an overall human being – is total bullshit.

Not only is it a load of rubbish, but it’s incredibly damaging. Pushing the “fat = bad, thin = good” narrative is bound to have a negative impact, particularly where eating disorders and mental health are concerned. Imagine telling someone with anorexia, for example, that being the thinnest version of themselves makes them the best version of themselves. Or how this could easily recycle that feeling of guilt in someone with bulimia to the point that they experience dangerous symptoms such as binging and purging. It seems so obviously dangerous to me in this context, I’m amazed we allow it to continue.

It’s clearly designed to make us feel terrible about ourselves. Telling us that we’re better when we’re thinner makes those of us whose bodies don’t fit these very particular – and sometimes unobtainable – specifications feel worthless, unattractive and uncomfortable in our own skin. It also strips us of our identities as people; it ignores all other aspects of our personalities and achievements, reducing how we measure up on the “good vs. bad scale” to nothing more than our weight.

I look at photos of myself from a few years back, before I gained the weight I now carry around with me (mostly in my lil’ tummy pooch), and sometimes I’m swept up in that narrative. I look at photos like the one below and think, “Wow, how did I let this version of myself slip away?!” And literally the ONLY reason I think that is because I’m thinner in those photos. That’s it. It’s not based on where I was at that point in my life, or how happy I was, or what I’d achieved. It’s because I was thinner – so I must’ve been better, right?

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NO, SAM! Of course not! That’s just such a ridiculous notion, I can’t believe I bought it for even a second! I look at what’s happened in my life since those photos and almost laugh at how absurd I’m being when I think I’m worse off now simply because of my weight. I’ve achieved bucket loads since then; I’m in a happy, committed relationship, moved out, learnt to drive, started (and ended!) my own music publication, created my blog and worked my way up to my dream job. I’m more accomplished, level-headed, hard-working, ambitious, sociable and confident than the person in that photo. I’m more comfortable with my body and appearance than I’ve ever been, regardless of my size.

I’m a better person for so, so many reasons right now, and it all has absolutely zilch to do with my weight.

I’m lucky enough that I can see that, despite falling down the rabbit hole every now and again. But all the while we give into this narrative that being fat is the worst thing you can be, and the only way to make yourself a better person is to lose weight, then this narrative will continue to win and companies like Weight Watchers will keep making these shitty adverts.

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What Do Women Do When We’re Not the “Right Type” of Curvy? | #ThisGirlEats

“I like curvy women!”

No, you like women with big boobs, small waists and peachy bums. You like the right kind of curves.

The hourglass figure has been held on the highest pedestal of beauty for as many years as I can remember. Growing up around the time that I did, big bodies weren’t really represented, at least not how they are today. It was all about the Kate Mosses and Victoria Beckhams and, if you didn’t stand a chance of looking like them, the hourglass was what you aspired to be.

There’s no denying a bodacious hourglass figure is a beautiful sight to behold, and I have absolutely no intention of saying otherwise. I’m not here to detract from any body type. But what about the rest of us curvy women?

For years people used Marilyn Monroe as the poster girl for fuller figures. She was, of course, a glamourous pin-up admired by – well, pretty much anyone with a pulse. Beyoncé is another example, with her ‘Crazy in Love’ curves back in 2003 being a refreshing antidote to the super-slim late ’90s / early ’00s.

Black and white shot of Marilyn Monroe
Black and white shot of Marilyn Monroe

These women are gorgeous, and it’s true, they are curvy women. But the reason photos of their bodies are slapped up as the remedy to size zero culture is because their curves are socially acceptable. They fit the beauty standard of that voluptuous, seductive, buxom hourglass figure, so these women – and many like them – are what most people associate with the idea of a “curvy woman”.

But what if you don’t have the right kind of curves?

I have curves, but I sure as hell don’t have a body like Beyoncé! I have a waist, but it’s cushioned between multiple tummy rolls and it sits on top of some pretty sizable love handle hips. My bum is more Bridget Jones than Beyoncé and my boobs are there – just about. It seems unfair that I seem capable of gaining weight just about everywhere except my boobs, but there we go.

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Holiday snap eating ice cream in Ibiza

It’s hard to feel like the “curves = good” mantra applies when you don’t look like those representing fuller figures on clothing websites, social media and in the magazines. When you can’t squeeze into an hourglass and your boobs aren’t big enough to distract from the spanx lurking just beneath, it can be hard to feel like your body type is valid at all.

What do you do when your body is too chubby to be conventionally attractive (i.e. slim), but your curves aren’t the right kind so no-one is celebrating them?

I guess it’s up to us to become our own cheerleaders.

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Healing My Unhealthy Relationship with Food | #ThisGirlEats

Me and food, we’ve got a love-hate relationship. Sometimes it’s my best friend, sometimes it’s my enemy. The problem is, no matter how unhealthy my relationship with food might be, I need it to, y’unno, stay alive. That’s the bottom line, right?

I’ve got an ongoing battle between my love of food and the issues it causes me when it comes to weight, body image and self-consciousness. It’s something I’ve never known how to overcome and, truthfully, never thought I could.

But lately something has changed. I don’t know if it’s the conscious effort I’ve been spending on positive self-image, the incredible body positive women I follow online, or just the fact that I’ve coloured my hair recently and it looks great (not even gonna lie). We all know that when a gal changes her hair some serious shit is going down!

Pink and purple hair

Point is, even though I’m probably at my biggest right now, have stretch marks all over my body and took an incredibly lax approach to shaving my legs this winter, I have been feeling so much more positive about myself, my body and my relationship with food. My mind is like a sat nav, healing my deep-rooted problems with food and rerouting itself down a much better path.

I think this revelation started when I read Ruby Tandoh’s ‘Eat Up’ last summer. It made me start to listen to my body and really enjoy food instead of always fighting against it – you can read more about my thoughts on the book here.

Since then, I’ve definitely realised how negative it is to think some foods are “bad” and that I should feel “guilty” for eating, and that really made a difference.

For example, when me and my boyfriend go out to eat now it’s not about feeling bad for the three-course meal we’ve devoured and how we have to pop open the top button on our jeans on the car ride home. It’s about the quality time we spent together; the laughs we had trying to order items from the menu we couldn’t pronounce, the ideas we came up with for the future while dipping dough balls into garlic butter, the holiday we planned over a margherita pizza, the content quiet between us as we savoured delectable, sweet spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream.

Pizza Express margherita pizza
Pizza Express margherita pizza

It’s about getting out of the house and enjoying what life has to offer. It’s about loving food and company and conversation. It’s about caring for ourselves and nourishing our bodies, minds and souls. It’s about looking after relationships with each other, with ourselves, with food.

I currently have the healthiest view of food and myself that I’ve had in a long, long time. I don’t really know how it happened, or why it’s happening right now. But it is, and I’m happy.

New Year’s Resolutions & What I Want to Achieve in 2019 | #ThisGirlEats

Plenty of people hate this “New Year” stuff, especially the sudden proclamations to change just because the last number on our calendars flips over. People roll their eyes at resolutions but, I’m sorry, I LOVE New Year’s – and everything that goes with it!

So what if people choose to plan their goals now? And who cares if they give up before January is even out?! I’m in no position to look down on people who want to make positive changes.

It helps me feel optimistic about what’s to come, and having defined goals in a clear timeframe motivates me. Maybe it’s not for everyone, and that’s fine, but it works for me. So here’s what I’d like to achieve in 2019!


HOME. Moving out last year was huge for me. I don’t regret it one teeny, tiny bit but, of course, it’s expensive and time-consuming. I love our flat but there are so many things I’d change! A definite goal for next year is to make some serious home improvements. I’m hoping to make our home a cleaner, tidier space with much more personality and a few extra homely touches. I want it to really feel like somewhere we can de-clutter, de-stress and soak up those happy vibes.

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BLOG. Blogging is my only creative outlet and I really love it. This year, the intention was to grow the blog, turn it into something I could envision making an actual living from one day… but that hasn’t happened. It’s totally my fault! But I’d like 2019 to see more engagement, bigger numbers, real progress and a fresh coat of paint, so to speak.

WORK. This time last year I’d just started a new job and felt like I’d really made a positive career move. That’s still true, but I’ve been doing the same thing for a year now and, honestly, I’d just like to change things up a bit. I don’t mean finding a new job; I’d just like to change up my daily routine. New responsibilities, different tasks, maybe even a change in department – basically, I don’t want to be doing exactly the same thing this time next year.

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BODY. I’ve not looked after myself this year. I’ve gained loads of weight and really felt the impact of not living a healthier lifestyle. I mean, I wasn’t happy with my body before, so I’m having a bloody nightmare now! I’m still fighting the uphill battle to love myself, but I think regular exercise and healthier eating, consistently, would be super positive for me. I’ve made no secret that I struggle with that, but it’s playing havoc with my mental health now, so things need to change.

MONEY. Money isn’t everything, that’s why it’s at the bottom of my list. There’s food on the table and a roof over my head, I’m grateful for that. But it’s also pretty hard living entirely out of my overdraft; I honestly can’t remember when my bank balance didn’t start with a minus. I’ve dipped into savings, nest eggs and rainy day funds, I’ve taken out loans, I’ve borrowed from family and friends… Honestly, it’s exhausting. Getting out of my overdraft would lift a bloody huge weight off my shoulders and make a massive difference.

I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with Summer | #ThisGirlEats

If you asked me ten years ago what my favourite time of year was, I definitely would’ve said summer.

That probably had something to do with still being in school and getting six weeks off for summer hols, but also because summer has always been my go-to fave ☀️ I hate the cold weather, the rain and the snow, but I bloody love the sunshine, the feeling of warmth on your skin, the light evenings. But since my precious summer holidays have been taken away and I’ve had to face up to the harsh realities of summer as an adult (seriously, who do I speak to about getting mandatory seasonal breaks for grown-ups?) I’m starting to find myself developing more of a love-hate relationship with summer.

The dark, gloomy winter months suck. They do. But there’s something lovely about cosying up in your biggest, snuggliest jumper, walking through town under their (slightly shit) Christmas lights and curling up with a blanket eating comfort food and watching telly. Yes, I’m aware I sound about 80 right now but it’s just nice, isn’t it?

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As I’ve got older, I’m leaning more towards these winter nights than the summer days I once adored. Gone are endless beach days and lazing about for hours turning gradually lobster red; now most of my summer is spent in a stuffy office with the WORST air con in the world, never being able to decide what to wear because getting my legs out gives me heart palpitations and I always forget to paint my toenails, and sitting upstairs in the flat complaining that we don’t have a garden.

This year more than ever, I’ve put on a little weight (I guess that’s what happens when you go from running about in retail all day to sitting your butt on an office chair, only getting up for lunch breaks and to pee) and the summer has become a struggle.

I have endless love for curvy,  plus size women who absolutely rock their summer dresses and bikinis with an awesome confidence – these babes look beautiful! 😍 They’re definite proof that just because you’ve got a little extra meat on your bones doesn’t mean you can’t flash the flesh in the summer, but I’m just not there yet. I don’t have the self-confidence, especially as revisiting my mostly-too-small summer wardrobe made me feel even worse about myself! I’m surrounded by girls wearing short skirts, cute sandals, pretty dresses, but it’s just not me. Not right now, anyway.

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One good thing has come out of this summer – it’s given me fresh new motivation to get fit and lose the weight I’ve gained, because I cannot go through this again. It’s just too depressing! This time next year I want to be able to pluck out my favourite summer clothes and fit into them with ease. Not too much to ask, right? I’ve needed something to kick me into action because my “get-up-and-go” has been virtually non-existent lately and has resulted in many, many ill-advised takeaways…

So yes, this year I’m loving the sunshine but hating the fact that I have to choose between showing off my body or melting in the heat and am kinda looking forward to covering up in jeans and jumpers again. But hopefully next summer you’ll see me back to rocking my grunger shorts, blink-182 vests and Hell Bunny dresses with a smile on my face.