Being Fat Isn’t the Worst Thing a Person Can Be, Y’unno | #ThisGirlEats

There’s a disturbing narrative that exists today, and we just can’t seem to shake it. It’s simple, really: Fat = Bad. It’s everywhere; we see with advertising selling us slimming products, the press fat-shaming celebrities, and people bombarding social media with before vs. after photos. No matter where we might find it, the message is always the same – being fat is the worst thing you can be.

And I’m so sick of it.

My most recent encounter with this was watching the latest TV ad for Weight Watchers. I can’t remember the exact words and, annoyingly, can’t find the advert anywhere online, but I distinctly remember the spokeswoman telling people to sign up on the basis that it will make them a “better version of themselves” – come to think of it, she might’ve even said the best version of yourself.

ww-01
Weight Watchers: Wellness that Works (umm…)

Because apparently, thinner ALWAYS equals better.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, especially when it’s affecting your health and you think you could be in better shape; hell, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself! But the idea that being slimmer automatically makes you a better person – and, in turn, being bigger somehow detracts from you as an overall human being – is total bullshit.

Not only is it a load of rubbish, but it’s incredibly damaging. Pushing the “fat = bad, thin = good” narrative is bound to have a negative impact, particularly where eating disorders and mental health are concerned. Imagine telling someone with anorexia, for example, that being the thinnest version of themselves makes them the best version of themselves. Or how this could easily recycle that feeling of guilt in someone with bulimia to the point that they experience dangerous symptoms such as binging and purging. It seems so obviously dangerous to me in this context, I’m amazed we allow it to continue.

It’s clearly designed to make us feel terrible about ourselves. Telling us that we’re better when we’re thinner makes those of us whose bodies don’t fit these very particular – and sometimes unobtainable – specifications feel worthless, unattractive and uncomfortable in our own skin. It also strips us of our identities as people; it ignores all other aspects of our personalities and achievements, reducing how we measure up on the “good vs. bad scale” to nothing more than our weight.

I look at photos of myself from a few years back, before I gained the weight I now carry around with me (mostly in my lil’ tummy pooch), and sometimes I’m swept up in that narrative. I look at photos like the one below and think, “Wow, how did I let this version of myself slip away?!” And literally the ONLY reason I think that is because I’m thinner in those photos. That’s it. It’s not based on where I was at that point in my life, or how happy I was, or what I’d achieved. It’s because I was thinner – so I must’ve been better, right?

11026309_10152941233055509_8382356184675124937_o

NO, SAM! Of course not! That’s just such a ridiculous notion, I can’t believe I bought it for even a second! I look at what’s happened in my life since those photos and almost laugh at how absurd I’m being when I think I’m worse off now simply because of my weight. I’ve achieved bucket loads since then; I’m in a happy, committed relationship, moved out, learnt to drive, started (and ended!) my own music publication, created my blog and worked my way up to my dream job. I’m more accomplished, level-headed, hard-working, ambitious, sociable and confident than the person in that photo. I’m more comfortable with my body and appearance than I’ve ever been, regardless of my size.

I’m a better person for so, so many reasons right now, and it all has absolutely zilch to do with my weight.

I’m lucky enough that I can see that, despite falling down the rabbit hole every now and again. But all the while we give into this narrative that being fat is the worst thing you can be, and the only way to make yourself a better person is to lose weight, then this narrative will continue to win and companies like Weight Watchers will keep making these shitty adverts.

47280818_10155944239355509_5180056671547817984_o

Advertisement

What Do Women Do When We’re Not the “Right Type” of Curvy? | #ThisGirlEats

“I like curvy women!”

No, you like women with big boobs, small waists and peachy bums. You like the right kind of curves.

The hourglass figure has been held on the highest pedestal of beauty for as many years as I can remember. Growing up around the time that I did, big bodies weren’t really represented, at least not how they are today. It was all about the Kate Mosses and Victoria Beckhams and, if you didn’t stand a chance of looking like them, the hourglass was what you aspired to be.

There’s no denying a bodacious hourglass figure is a beautiful sight to behold, and I have absolutely no intention of saying otherwise. I’m not here to detract from any body type. But what about the rest of us curvy women?

For years people used Marilyn Monroe as the poster girl for fuller figures. She was, of course, a glamourous pin-up admired by – well, pretty much anyone with a pulse. Beyoncé is another example, with her ‘Crazy in Love’ curves back in 2003 being a refreshing antidote to the super-slim late ’90s / early ’00s.

Black and white shot of Marilyn Monroe
Black and white shot of Marilyn Monroe

These women are gorgeous, and it’s true, they are curvy women. But the reason photos of their bodies are slapped up as the remedy to size zero culture is because their curves are socially acceptable. They fit the beauty standard of that voluptuous, seductive, buxom hourglass figure, so these women – and many like them – are what most people associate with the idea of a “curvy woman”.

But what if you don’t have the right kind of curves?

I have curves, but I sure as hell don’t have a body like Beyoncé! I have a waist, but it’s cushioned between multiple tummy rolls and it sits on top of some pretty sizable love handle hips. My bum is more Bridget Jones than Beyoncé and my boobs are there – just about. It seems unfair that I seem capable of gaining weight just about everywhere except my boobs, but there we go.

IMG_3079 3
Holiday snap eating ice cream in Ibiza

It’s hard to feel like the “curves = good” mantra applies when you don’t look like those representing fuller figures on clothing websites, social media and in the magazines. When you can’t squeeze into an hourglass and your boobs aren’t big enough to distract from the spanx lurking just beneath, it can be hard to feel like your body type is valid at all.

What do you do when your body is too chubby to be conventionally attractive (i.e. slim), but your curves aren’t the right kind so no-one is celebrating them?

I guess it’s up to us to become our own cheerleaders.

IMG_6585

I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with Summer | #ThisGirlEats

If you asked me ten years ago what my favourite time of year was, I definitely would’ve said summer.

That probably had something to do with still being in school and getting six weeks off for summer hols, but also because summer has always been my go-to fave ☀️ I hate the cold weather, the rain and the snow, but I bloody love the sunshine, the feeling of warmth on your skin, the light evenings. But since my precious summer holidays have been taken away and I’ve had to face up to the harsh realities of summer as an adult (seriously, who do I speak to about getting mandatory seasonal breaks for grown-ups?) I’m starting to find myself developing more of a love-hate relationship with summer.

The dark, gloomy winter months suck. They do. But there’s something lovely about cosying up in your biggest, snuggliest jumper, walking through town under their (slightly shit) Christmas lights and curling up with a blanket eating comfort food and watching telly. Yes, I’m aware I sound about 80 right now but it’s just nice, isn’t it?

sweatpants gif
giphy.com

As I’ve got older, I’m leaning more towards these winter nights than the summer days I once adored. Gone are endless beach days and lazing about for hours turning gradually lobster red; now most of my summer is spent in a stuffy office with the WORST air con in the world, never being able to decide what to wear because getting my legs out gives me heart palpitations and I always forget to paint my toenails, and sitting upstairs in the flat complaining that we don’t have a garden.

This year more than ever, I’ve put on a little weight (I guess that’s what happens when you go from running about in retail all day to sitting your butt on an office chair, only getting up for lunch breaks and to pee) and the summer has become a struggle.

I have endless love for curvy,  plus size women who absolutely rock their summer dresses and bikinis with an awesome confidence – these babes look beautiful! 😍 They’re definite proof that just because you’ve got a little extra meat on your bones doesn’t mean you can’t flash the flesh in the summer, but I’m just not there yet. I don’t have the self-confidence, especially as revisiting my mostly-too-small summer wardrobe made me feel even worse about myself! I’m surrounded by girls wearing short skirts, cute sandals, pretty dresses, but it’s just not me. Not right now, anyway.

nothing to wear
giphy.com

One good thing has come out of this summer – it’s given me fresh new motivation to get fit and lose the weight I’ve gained, because I cannot go through this again. It’s just too depressing! This time next year I want to be able to pluck out my favourite summer clothes and fit into them with ease. Not too much to ask, right? I’ve needed something to kick me into action because my “get-up-and-go” has been virtually non-existent lately and has resulted in many, many ill-advised takeaways…

So yes, this year I’m loving the sunshine but hating the fact that I have to choose between showing off my body or melting in the heat and am kinda looking forward to covering up in jeans and jumpers again. But hopefully next summer you’ll see me back to rocking my grunger shorts, blink-182 vests and Hell Bunny dresses with a smile on my face.

Turn Your Frown Upside Down – How Seeing the Positives in Others Can Do Wonders For Your Own Self-Confidence

I’ve talked about what a bitch that little voice in your head can be. You know, the one that just loves to narrate your life with a running inner-monologue of self-doubt and anxiety. It makes us guilty of comparing ourselves to others, and also of judging others – ironic, isn’t is, as we usually fear that’s what people are doing to us?

morticia gif
Image: awesomelyluvvie.com

We’re all to blame. It’s easy to think, “why don’t I have hair/teeth/boobs/legs like that?” and, yes, that damages our self-esteem. But it’s just as easy to think, “Thank goodness I DON’T have hair/teeth/boobs/legs like that!” Both are just as negative; you’re either trashing yourself – which, btw, you don’t deserve – or becoming part of the same endless cycle that makes you feel so rubbish in the first place!

Nipping that voice in the bud is hard. It can feel like you need some sort of spoon-bending, Professor X-level mind power to silence it. You might not be able to turn it off completely (if you do, can you write some kind of self-help book for the rest of us please?) but maybe you could turn it around…

When you see someone – just a random stranger, anyone really – and you hear that voice start to creep up, change it’s tune. Take control. Make a positive affirmation about that person which reflects negatively on no-one. Pause, look at them and find something positive. There’s always something positive!

compliment gif
Image: eso-rp.com

Instead of thinking, “Oh god, she’s owning the room like a glamour model and here I am looking like a sack of potatoes…” just take a second to evaluate your own self-worth. You don’t need to hear that. You don’t have to put that kind of pressure of yourself.

Stop.

Think, “Wow, I really like that shade of lipstick she’s wearing, it looks gorgeous. That’d really suit me, maybe I should look for something similar.”

Instead of thinking, “Jeez, who let her leave the house in that outfit this morning?!” just take a second to consider their feelings. Consider how it’d make you feel. They don’t deserve that kind of judgement. By inflicting it upon them, aren’t you just spreading more of the same negativity that you’re so afraid of yourself? Think, “Wow, look at that lanyard around her neck! If she works there she must have an AMAZING job! Good for her!”

meryl streep gif
Image: popkey.co

It’s not a fix-it-all solution, and OF COURSE our self-worth often runs deeper than these superficial thoughts. But it’s about putting a stop to the negativity. You know the saying, if you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all? Well, it’s the same with our thoughts. If you can’t think of something positive about someone, just leave it alone. But if we can all spread little nuggets of happy, sunny loveliness, our days would be more bearable. Trust me, you’ll feel a million times better for it!

mean girls gif
Image: glee.wikia.com

Having a Blow Out on Holiday is NOT – I Repeat, NOT – a Crime! | #ThisGirlEats

We’re all obsessed with looks – the right selfie angle, the right shade of highlighter, the right clothes at the right time to the right event. Whatever it is, it’s always something.

For me, it’s body insecurity. Yeah, I know – textbook, right? I’ll spend hours posing in every conceivable (and sometimes inconceivable) position in the mirror before deciding whether I look good, or like a capybara who got lost and accidentally stumbled into Forever 21.

Okay, I’m exaggerating (but not really…).

Don’t even get me started on the summer! Give me sweat and humidity over cold toes and the sniffles any day, but summer brings its own challenges for my internal vanity. New obstacles arise; frizzy hair, shiny skin, chaffing thighs and the thought of shaving my legs on a regular basis keeps me up at night.

Worst of all, it brings on a barrage of what I like to call ‘kick-you-when-you’re-down’ media – you’re still carrying your Easter chocolate weight (it never really goes anyway) and suddenly there are ads and articles everywhere telling you how to get the “perfect bikini bod” for summer. I thought having a bikini body was as simple as, y’unno, having a body and putting a bikini on it 👙 Apparently not…

When you’re on your summer holiday refusing to do anything other than lie flat on your back around the pool for fear of tummy rolls (which every human in the whole entire world has), you really feel the pressure.

IMG_3079When you’re drinking your weight in cocktails, visiting amazing local restaurants and experiencing the glorious all-inclusive buffet for a week, it makes you question yourself. You know how it goes: “Oh god. Look at my body. Look at her body. She looks like Jennifer Lawrence emerging from the sea if James Bond ever decide to do a Doctor Who and go down the vagina route. Look at your enormous bum in those shorts – should you REALLY be digging into another tapas bowl?

SHUT UP BRAIN, I’M TRYING TO ENJOY MYSELF!

Remember, you’re on holiday. On holiday from the grim British weather, from housework, from your job. But also on holiday from yourself. A holiday from that strict diet. A holiday from worrying about what your boyfriend / girlfriend / friends / family / colleagues think. You don’t know anyone there, so who cares?!

You’re allowed to enjoy yourself, to enjoy your food – and I mean enjoy it. Try the local delicacies. Choose the most indulgent ice cream. Sip cocktails you’ve never heard of before. And don’t feel bad about it! Don’t let other people’s bodies get you down. Don’t waste time examining your so-called “bikini body” in the mirror. Holidays are the perfect time to unwind. They’re an escape and, sometimes, escaping from your own mind is the biggest part of it all.

IMG_3201